Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Weepy Mama

That is the best way to describe me right now. Well, really for the past few weeks.

Our yearly trip to the Pediatrician's office resulted in an ADHD diagnosis for The Shmoo. I have known since he was just hours old that he had more energy than most, but the label brings tears to my eyes. It's not " that" label that makes me sad, but rather any label. To me, he is the most perfect, loving, kind, angel. And, one on one, he is just that. But, throw him in a class with 19 other pre-schoolers, and he loses all ability to self regulate his behavior. He is not a mean, or viscous kid, but he struggles ( on a good day) to stay focused, and calm.

Today has me down right lost. His current pre-school has waited until today, a month after our parent teacher conference, to tell us that they are not sure they can " support" him there. That it is very hard to have him in class. Really, just today? Now you think is the right time to tell us? I have my ear to the ground for a new place for him, but mid year is hard, and we are on a shoe string of a budget.

I am not a home schooler, but I told J today that I might have to be. It would mean boxing up all of my fabric, and diving head first into teaching. And not just teaching, but teaching my lovely boy all the important things while reminding him how wonderful he is. What a good person he is.

I dropped him off today and almost couldn't let go. He was so excited to see his friends, and I just wanted to grab him and run.

Like any parent, I want him to be loved, challenged, appreciated, and most of all to feel as if he is an important part of the world, and that is not happening for him at school right now.

I have piles of work to do, but I cannot seem to keep the tears at bay. Maybe a cup of tea and a good long cry will help. Maybe!


  1. oh, cry and shout and scream and bang doors and kick walls (as long as he doesn't see you do it!). he's still so young and kids (boys in particular) are so boisterous at the best of times.
    As long as he has the 2 of you to support him and to tell him what a wonderful child he is he will grow up just fine. You don't want him to be in a place where he won't get positive encouragement - so think of the silver lining in this news from the pre-school. And when he's grown up into a fine young man go back there and tell them to go screw themselves (my brother did that after years of school telling him he would be nothing but trouble and wouldn't amount to anything because he was 'slow'. He wasn't, he was just dyslexic. Big difference.)

  2. My heart goes out to you. We want the best for our kids. He has you for parents so know in your heart he will grow up to be a fine young man. Hugs,

  3. My girl is at the Academy of Early Learning in Greenfield. There are, I believe, two open spots in her pre-school class which is the afternoon session. The teachers are wonderful, the paraprofessionals are great, the school is set up to help kids with special issues and needs. The price is affordable, very affordable. But you should act fast if you're at all interested. And I do mean fast.

  4. I don't live in the USA but I was a teacher. Have you looked at diet? Too many E numbers , coca cola, even orange juice can hype up children. Check it out.

  5. Thank you for all of your kind words! Grumpy, I called the school and had a fantastic talk with someone. Not sure if it is the right place, but ended the conversation with a game plan!

    Linda, he actually has no C, and very limited sugar. We had a full battery of blood tests done with only a D issue. I wish I could eliminate something, but he only eats 5 foods as it is :-(

  6. I'm glad you called the school and, if nothing else, got some ideas. There are a lot of resources in our area, it's just hard to find them sometimes. I've been amazed at the progress some of the kids in my daughter's class at the Academy have made in just three months. Very heartening.

    "...he only eats 5 foods as it is." Sounds like my girl. It drives me crazy sometimes!

  7. He will do awesome because of the fantastic mother you are!

  8. I'm posting you a poem/reading that was sent to me when our precious wee boy was 'diagnosed' as being profoundly deaf. They got it SO SO SO wrong - he is anything but, however, like you I went through all the emotions .. .. .. and this helped

    Welcome to Holland

    When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

    After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

    "Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

    But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
    The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

    So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

    It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
    But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

    And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away...because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss. But...if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

  9. I just recently read the book NutureShock and there is a school program based on scientific research called "TOOLS OF THE MIND". It is absolutely amazing. Google it if you want more info. Try to see if there are any schools in your area that run this program. Or if you are going to do homeschooling using this program may help you get him to a point where he can re-enter mainstream schooling. The book is called "Tools of the Mind: The Vygotskian Approach to Early Childhood Education". The program helps children develop self regulation.

    Also, have you tried fish oils? My boyfriend's son (while not diagnosed with anything) had a lot of trouble in school with focus & behaviour. He started giving him a high quality liquid fish oil (by Nordic Natural) and didn't tell anyone. Within a month or so the teachers were commenting on how much better he was.

    Wishing you luck in all your efforts.

  10. How is your boy doing these days? My pixie started kindergarten, and I cried for a week. She loves school so that's making it easier. I just can't believe that our babies are growing so fast. Happy upcoming birthday to your little man.